A Realization in February

Before Layla came home based on my experience with Rowan, I was prepared to feel like I was babysitting for a while and praying and knowing that the love would one day flood my heart. But that wasn't the case. I'm madly in love with this little girl. Just like I was madly in love with Jory back in my naive beginners days. I see now that it wasn't Rowan's "old" age that made me feel like a glorified babysitter, it was the hurt and the pain of losing Sasha and living with the very real knowledge that Rowan could be taken from me just as the baby before her was.

I didn't realize it at the time but I let the doubts, the whispers from the devil color and distort my ability to love Rowan completely and fully. But as always God turns things around and has such perfect timing. He healed my hurt and opened my hear so I could love Rowan fully and completely and He allowed me to be able to give Layla 100% from the very beginning. He so rocks!!! Rich Mullins had it so right, "Our God is an awesome God/He reigns from Heaven above/With wisdom, power and love/Our God is an awesome God."

I also realized that singing "It's Killing Me" when I first met Layla wasn't the best of ideas. I mean if a stranger sang a song with the word "kill" in it to you on your first meeting, would you be really receptive to them? Though in my defense, I sang that song because it is the first song on the Supernatural album and I tend to think and sing the songs in the order I hear them.




Sisters sleeping.